People Pleasing sucks.

I think the Lord used today to overload me with people I couldn't please and then when I did please them it didn't satisfy me so that I would be so sick of trying to earn affection by people pleasing. I'm tired of running around frantically wondering what people think of me on a certain whim. I'm tired of caring whether they will invite me or reject me. I'm just tired of it. I want to love because you love Jesus. I want to work for you. I want to give because of you. Not because of people's reactions. I want to know that I am beautiful. That I am wanted. That I have a necessary part. That You love me. GOD!! Scream in my ears again and shake me that you LOVE ME!!! I need to know that you have forgiven me and love me. I don't feel it. I feel sick and unwanted. Daddy, it feels so empty. I want to repent of my unforgiveness toward A and A. Daddy, Please help me to love them like you do. To stop loving them because I want their stupid approval. Jesus, Please help me with work tomorrow!! I can't do this on my own. I NEED YOU. Please help me. Please help me. Jesus I can't do this on my own. I don't have the strength. Help me with the photos. Help me with serving. Help me with my family. I feel so alone and I feel so sick. I need you and I just want to be babyed and loved. I feel so awful. God ease my head and my mind and all of my thoughts. I give them all up to you. I believe that you forgive me and that you love me.

HOLD ME TIL YOU ARE DONE.

HOLD ME TIL YOU ARE DONE.

HOLD ME TIL YOU ARE DONE.

"Hold onto the truth that I love you. Hold onto the fact that I will NEVER leave you. Hold onto my word that is always true. Hold onto the promise that I am the friend that sticks closer than a brother. Hold onto the fact that I know every thought in your head and why you think it and what to do about it. I am not confused or befuddled by your problems. They are not overwhelming to me. They are not "too much" for me to handle. I have handled worse, Kristina. Hold onto my promise that you are NOT in this alone. You will never be in this battle alone. I am so PROUD of you for not giving into self pity and just sitting in it. It is much harder to fight it. You looked outside of yourself and looked to others. You gave and gave til you had nothing left. My darling, my precious sweetheart, REST IN ME. I have many great things in store for you. Sometimes you have to come to the end of yourself to reach the beginning of recognizing my provision in your utter weakness. This gospel is not one for the strong. It is for those who realize that their dependance holds the key to the greatest power that is available. Hold onto me. My darling, I have never let go of you. You fight me, but I will still hold you. I will still hold you. I am still loving you. You are precious to me and I will shout and shout and shout until all the lies swirling around your being are silenced and only love remains. Rest in my Love. Hold onto my Truth. I will not give you more than you can handle. We are a team and My Team always wins. Be assured that you are well taken care of. Goodnight darling. I sing over you."

I love you Jesus. Thank you. You always know what to say when I need it. Goodnight my love. :)